


The perfect christmas I always looked for

by supernaturalgirl



Category: MarkE Miller, Video Blooging & Youtube RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Big Gay Love Story, Christmas, First Kiss, Hot Chocolate, Love, M/M, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 02:36:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2565176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalgirl/pseuds/supernaturalgirl





	The perfect christmas I always looked for

“Ethan? Are you okay?”, Mark asked.  
I cringed and looked straight into the warm brown eyes of Mark, my best friend.  
“What’s up?”, he asked again.  
“No, no, nothing…”, I started talking, “I’m fine, just a little bit confused.” Mark looked worried and put his left hand on mine. “Why confused? You know, you can tell me anything”, tried Mark. That was, what I loved about him: He cared. I smiled because I was glad being his best friend. “I just don’t know… Mark, why do you always have a real relationship? I mean, I never had a girlfriend before and you…”, I answered.  
“…had many girlfriends and now boyfriends, yes”, he completed my sentence, “I don’t know. I also wonder why you never had a relationship before. I’m sorry, but I think, you just know it, when someone means the whole life for you and you don’t want to miss it anymore. And Ethan, I’m also single for about a year.” I looked frowning. “You’re right, but I am single for my whole life! And I am seventeen years old!”, I said. It was just unfair. I had a lot of female friends, but none of them wanted more than just friendship. I often fell in love with someone, but I never had the bravery to tell that person the truth. I thought I was not good in shouting my feelings out and tell them the whole world. I preferred staying in the background and being the kind guy, everybody likes but not loves. I had usually been fine with that, but lately I was a bit frustrated because of this. It was not fair.  
The waitress interrupted my chaos of feeling in my head and asked, what Mark and I wanted to drink and eat. We always sat in the corner of our favourite café once a week and talked about random things in our lives. I enjoyed the hours with Mark; he gave me strength and faith in me. Mark always drank a white coffee and I took a hot chocolate. It was cold outside and the snow fell like feathers from the sky. It was beautiful.  
“I love winter, it looks so christmassy out there”, sighed Mark and just said my thoughts out loud. Mark and I had these Christmas rituals and bought every single year a Christmas sweater. We built a snowman together and sang Christmas songs and the whole world was fulfilled of love in our point if view. It was lovely.  
“True words”, I just said and thought about the wonder of Christmas and drank my hot chocolate, the waitress just gave me. I looked to Mark again and realized he stared at me. My face turned into a dark red, just like the nose of Rudolph, the reindeer. How suitable!  
“Mark? Why are you staring at me?”, I asked confused. He smiled. “I love the sparks in your eyes, when you just feel happy and are pleased with Christmas or anything that let you be so heartily.” I just was at a loss for words. That was one of the kindest things someone told me, which was the reason why I was very touched.  
“Thank you, buddy!”, I said and smiled at him, “Mark, tell me something about your week, I just want to listen to your voice.” His voice was amazing. It was so warm and low and always friendly. You just wanted to listen to him, even if it was rubbish he told. It was hypnotising. Mark already knew I loved his voice, so he started to report and I just sat there and thought: That can’t be real. This is the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. God, he is so perfect. His eyes are gorgeous and his body: Damn, he is so beautiful! I cannot get over it! This is not possible. Suddenly I laughed about a joke of him. He is so funny and adorable and kind and tolerant and lovely and admirable for his point of view of being alive and alert and charming and extremely intelligent and…  
“I am in love with you.”  
Wait what? Did I just say that? Oh my god! What have I done?  
“I mean…”, I didn’t find any explanations. I looked at him carefully. I was so scared. Scared I destroyed our friendship with this little sentence. I wasn’t sure about my feelings until I said these words. I was so stupid. But yes, it was exactly what I felt. I loved him. I was gay and I was in love with my best friend. God, I was so glad he was gay. Maybe it made the situation a bit more comfortable. But ‘maybe’ was a word changing a lot.

“What? I mean, you aren’t gay, are you?”, Mark said.  
“It seems like I am. I’m so sorry for saying this. I hope it doesn’t destroy our friendship. Oh God, I am so sorry!”, I said nearly crying. I could hit myself a hundred, no, a thousand times!  
“No, no! Please don’t cry. I was just surprised. I mean, at the first moment, you worry about not having a girlfriend and suddenly you admit your love to me. It is just confusing.” Mark smiled.  
“Wait, why are you smiling? I thought it is confusing? I don’t understand anything. All I can do, is to say that I regret it so much!”, I answered.  
“Regretting? Why? You have to let your feelings out of yourself or nobody will ever understand you or be able to love you.”, he said. “You should not regret it!”, he added smiling and biting his lip at the same moment. All these things confused me so much, I could not think logically anymore, so the only word I could let out of my mouth was: “Mark?”, whereupon I smiled like a crazy person, but that does not matter. “Ethan?”, Mark only replied. He was so mean! Why can’t he just tell me what he feels? But before I could continue with the “game” and say my best friend’s name out loud, Mark hunkered over the table that separated us and bridged the gap between our lips with a wonderful soft and chary kiss. I swear: This was the best first kiss I could ever get.  
When Mark detached oneself from me, I was sad, but within seconds the sadness was gone because I looked into these wonderful eyes. At that moment, I was sure; this is the person I love with all my heart.  
“This is the perfect Christmas I always looked for”, I said and kissed Mark for the second time in my whole life.


End file.
